


Take Off My Crown (Throw It To The Side)

by Batwaffle



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - No Smaug, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Female!Bilbo, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 05:24:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batwaffle/pseuds/Batwaffle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror”, announced Balin.  “May I present to you, Miss Belladonna Baggins.”  He paused a moment for effect.  “Your wife.”  </p>
<p>In an Erebor that never saw the wrath of Smaug, after the death of Thror, rule falls to Thrain, who, determined to not allow his  mountain to suffer in the same way it did under Thror's rule, arranges a marriage contract between a chosen gentlehobbit of the Shire and Thorin, to be activated upon his death, in hopes of creating an Erebor less reliant on monetary wealth for surivival.  Thus, a grieving Thorin is thrown into a marriage with a woman he has never met.  Full of resentment, he can never hope to love this Hobbit who knows nothing of their customs.</p>
<p>Billa Baggins, inheritor of a marriage contract, is hardly thrilled either.</p>
<p>A late present for Shivi, who had a terrible nightmare some time ago, to make her feel better :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shivi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shivi/gifts).



> Oh God, I have so much headcanon for this fic. My first one on AO3 too *facepalms* I won't go into it in the first chapter, but if anyone's interested, please ask. I'm just so involved in fem!Bilbo now that I had to have Billa instead of Bilbo, if you were wondering why the gender changes.

The first time Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, set eyes on Billa Baggins, they had already been married for some time.  She was pale, thinner than he had imagined one from a race so enamoured with their food, and she looked exhausted.  As Balin helped her dismount from her pony, leading her from her small party, she stumbled, and would have landed face-down in the dirt had it not been for Balin’s steadying hands.  Thorin would have had more sympathy for the woman, were he not busy resenting all her presence meant for him.

As she walked slowly towards him, brown hair curling around her wan face, leaning heavily on Balin, green eyes on the ground, Frerin, stood next to him, began humming a wedding march.  Thorin turned his gaze away from his wife – Mahal preserve him, a _wife_ – to shoot his fair-haired brother a glare.  Frerin grinned back cheekily, though even he had enough sense to stay quiet at an occasion as formal as this.  On his right, Dis bounced a fussing Kili in her arms, as Fili stood solemn and quiet to her right, his left hand fisted in the skirts of her dress.

After what seemed like an eternity, Billa reached them.  She looked up, and locked gazes with Thorin.  He maintained the gaze, waiting for her to politely, demurely break off.  She didn’t.

“Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror”, announced Balin.  “May I present to you, Miss Belladonna Baggins.”  He paused a moment for effect.  “Your wife.”


	2. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Names are discussed, and MIddle Earth has no word for Frenemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you guys! Thank you for your amazing initial response to this!
> 
> I had a few comments wondering if Billa was going to be putting up with Thorin's shit a lot. She will most assuredly not. Thorin can be a sulky bastard, and often is, but it's neither in Billa's duty nor nature to put up with it. She might let some things go, but that's more her picking her battles and letting go the small things than letting him get away with something that genuinely bothers her.

Billa shot a glance at the elderly Dwarf next to her.  She considered saying something, but changed her mind.  Fortunately (Or unfortunately, depending on the view you chose to took), one of her party didn’t have the same doubts about speaking up.

“Wouldn’t that be _Mrs_ Belladonna _Oakenshield_?” Lobelia asked haughtily.  “Or is that another thing you dwarves do differently?" 

~

Lobelia had not been thrilled to learn that her closest ally and enemy had been, in Lobelia’s own immortal words “Snatched away by barbarians!”  She had loudly complained, and announced that, even with her damnable Took side, no Baggins girl would agree to such a thing.

It had rather taken the wind out of her sails when Billa, chin tilted upwards and a hard glint in her eyes, announced that she would do it.

Lobelia had been absent from Billa’s side for a few days after that, before turning up at Bag End in the middle of the night, several heavy bags and a half-asleep Otho in tow, and announcing that, well, if Billa had _entirely_ taken leave of her senses, she would surely need _someone_ with a level head there.

Besides, she had said, a glint in her eye that had made Billa roll her eyes while embracing her friend.  If Bag End were grand, and it was indeed, what would the quarters afforded to the party of the new Queen be like?

~

Balin cleared his throat, looking at the Hobbit who had positioned herself almost in front of Billa.  “Forgive me, Mrs Sackville-Baggins.  I was referring to my Queen using Hobbitish address, to symbolise what she has left behind by marrying my King.”  Thorin crossed his arms at that, looking unamused.  Frerin, to his side, spoke up. 

“You see, we Dwarrows don’t have the last name of our sire.  A last name is a title, earned by deeds, rather than an inheritance, earned by birth.  My _darling_ brother – “  And here he threw an arm around Thorin, squeezing him tightly “- Was named for his feats in battle.  My new sister will be named Belladonna, Queen of Erebor.”

Balin looked impressed.  “My Prince speaks the truth.  As for the matter of “Ms” and “Mrs”, we dwarrows have no such thing.  An unmarried Dwarrow would be Master or Mistress, depending on what their gender were.”

Lobelia looked somewhat calmed.  “I see.”  Otho, standing next to her, moved to put a hand on Billa’s shoulder, always more gentle where Lobelia was blustering.  “Bill – Um, my Queen”, he said, remembering the terms of address that had been drilled into the Hobbit leaving party before their departure; “Is there anything you’d like to say?”

Billa looked at him.  Then at Thorin.  Then at Balin, Dis and Frerin.  Then, again, back to Thorin.  She straightened her spine, lifted her chin and opened her mouth to say something. 

In Dis’ arms, Kili wailed, cutting Billa off. 

“Oh, Mahal, little one, shush,” said Dis, bouncing him up and down.  Next to her, Fili snuffled, wiping his nose on his fist.  Dis smiled a little, leaning down to pat his blonde head.  “Well, it was lovely to meet you, your highness, but I need to feed my little ones now, and here is hardly the place.  Goodbye, my Queen.”  And with that, she turned off, and headed back towards the mountain, several guards in tow.

Balin turned to Frerin.  “Well, as her Highness was meant to escort our new Queen to her chambers, perhaps you could instead?”  Frerin smiled.  “Certainly.”  He took a few steps towards Billa, and stood in front of her, bowing deeply.  “Frerin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, at your service.  Shall we go?” He offered his arm.  Billa reached forward, before stopping abortively, turning back to her party.  “My party… Are they not being escorted too?”  Frerin’s smile did not waver.    
“They are, but by the King’s guard”, he said.  Billa nodded, seemingly to herself, before taking Frerin’s arm.  “Then it is a pleasure to meet you, Frerin.”  She smiled.  “I always wanted a brother.”

As they walked towards the mountain, the guards escorted her party behind them.  Thorin was left standing, alone but for his customary guards, with arms crossed.  He huffed, and turned, storming towards the entrance.

A few paces behind him, Balin locked gazes with his guardsman brother.  The two shook their heads, and left the servants to deal with the ponies and belongings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. Lobelia's here to stay.


End file.
